It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
