dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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