dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
