I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
