made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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