I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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