I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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