Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
