I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
you never un-have a 4some
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
