Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
