We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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