I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
