Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
