Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
