The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
