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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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