thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Randomize
