"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This is the high leading the old right now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
