White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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