i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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