at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
