i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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