I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize