Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
