Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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