Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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