dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
