That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
