take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
