No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize