T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
