Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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