Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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