In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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