im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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