Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
