i permit you to call me
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
