my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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