I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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