hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
