I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
