these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
