I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
