I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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