I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
