i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
