So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I AM VODKA MAN
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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