It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
