woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
