Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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