whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
