would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The Olympian is in my bed
PANTIES FOUND
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