He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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