Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
