she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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