cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my sisters under your porch take her home
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My ATM looks so different sober.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
