Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
